The government has warned the general public they could risk being shot if they leave their homes. New “coronavirus laws” are expected to be introduced as the last lot did not go far enough. An insider said that a total lockdown is imminent with people not being allowed outside for any reason including emergencies. It is believed that draconian new measures include snipers stationed on rooftops throughout the country using futuristic heat seeking equipment and sonic hearing aids. It is believed these new weapons can pick up a high temperature or a tickly cough for a quarter of a mile radius. It is believed the snipers will be armed with tranquiliser darts that will be aimed at the offender’s neck. On impact, the darts will render the felon unconcious within 5 seconds by releasing a toxic mass of tranquiliser and gunpowder into the bloodstream. The body will then be forklifted to a meat wagon and transported to a high security COVID camp in an undercover location and placed in solitary confinement for 12 weeks before being allowed to go on trial.


A government insider said, “This is obviously a last resort. We do not want this to happen but if people continue to flout our new laws that have been “nodded in” overnight without being debated, we will have no option but to inform our military police to enforce their new powers.”

Police forces have taken a more relaxed approach in the last few weeks with arrests only being made for members of the public sitting down or bending down to tie their shoelaces. There was an unconfirmed report of a two year old boy being reprimanded for doing roly-polys down a hill in a local park, but this was denied by the regime.

We have seen police forces marshalling checkouts at supermarkets and poking their noses into shopping baskets and carrier bags to check if items are “essential” and also using drones to attempt to spot individuals that were “social distancing” too much by walking too far from the rest of the population. There was even one report stating Derbyshire police had “dyed” a lagoon in a local beauty spot from blue to black to prevent visitors, but this was strenuously denied. A spokesman said, “Don’t be ridiculous. No one would be that stupid.”

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There has been a strained relationship between the police and the public since the “lockdown” began, however, this is likely to cause even more concern. The insider went on to tell us, “This will be a zero tolerance approach. We have surveillance everywhere and anyone even thinking about opening their doors is at risk of being shot. We would also advise the general public to keep their windows shut just in case some of our “more zealous” officers get a bit carried away”.

Human rights campaigners have raised concerns, but a spokesman said, “Unfortunately this is now 2020 and we have to do as we are told”.


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